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co-alcoholic, traditionally the spouse, often goes through a stage of psychological denial and fails to see the presence of an alcoholic problem. The spouse often buys into the alcoholics "alibi system" by placing the blame for excessive drinking on some outside cause: his boss, her cooking, or the Redskins.
Periods of reduced drinking further lead the co-alcoholic to assume that their fears have been exaggerated. They begin to lose faith in their own powers of observation. The co-alcoholic might voice statements such as "things aren’t that bad yet" or "he can control his drinking if he wants to." In the meantime, they are experiencing (and often suppressing) anger and resentment.
At some point, the co-alcoholic spouse often begins to take on responsibility for the alcoholic's drinking. Usually this takes the form of increasing family isolation to keep the alcoholic from embarrassing social situations or drinking friends. With this isolation comes the loss of perspective.
The spouse makes increasingly frantic efforts to control the alcoholics drinking. He/she often employ such tactics as: threatening, ignoring, demonstrating excessive affection, or withholding affection. He/she might try hiding the beer or even drinking along with their spouse. In the long run these strategies usually fail. These tactics stem from the co-alcoholic's mistaken belief that "I can save him/her".
Their behavior matches the spouse’s in an increasingly destructive dance. In the meantime, the co-alcoholic spouse is suppressing feelings:
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