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1 fear, hurt, guilt, inadequacy, loneliness and depression. Aad to this a high degree of uncertainty (will he/she be drunk tonight?) and lack of control.
As the family cohesion begins to break down, it's not unusual to have the alcoholic and co-alcoholic emotionally stalking each other and causing the children to take sides.
In an attempt to reorganize the family in the face of the problem, the co-alcoholic takes on more and more of the alcoholic's duties. The alcoholic comes to be viewed as a child. In an attempt to shield the children, the co-alcoholic draws them closer and comes to over depend on them for emotional support. This seemingly hopeless situation can be turned around, but it requires big changes.
The gradual deterioration in an alcoholic family takes place in a green-house-like atmosphere emotionally cut off form the outside world. Significant positive changes usually require outside help. Psychotherapy can be very helpful in exploring one's feelings and actions and in regaining much needed perspective.
Al-Anon was established by/for co-alcoholics as a powerful self help group. The codependent's involvement in a long term "recovery program" can bring on enormous positive change. This can take place whether the alcoholicquits drinking or not. Again, getting the positive aid of an outside recovery program can make all the difference in the world.
Bob Treanor is a Mental Health Counselor at the Rappahannock Family Guidance Services in Washington, 675-3329.
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