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approach, but they rarely are. A happy mother and father are most likely to have happy children when the children’s roles are clearly and lovingly defined. Child-centered households produce neither happy marriages nor happy children.
These remarks highlight what most parents are reluctant to admit but what experts on child-rearing are finding to be true: that children tend to detract from rather than enhance the closeness between husband and wife.
Recent studies show that a couple’s satisfaction with marriage and with each other tends to drop sharply just after their first child is born. With minor variations, it stays at a lower level during the childrearing years and increases again only after the youngest child leaves home.
Thus, the results of the studies and the comments of the parents surveyed point out the need to work at maintaining closeness with the spouse by such means as weekly
nights out together, occasional weekends alone together, tender greetings and thoughtful surprises.
John Borgens is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who recently opened a practice in Rappahannock County. He is a former site supervisor of a community mental health clinic in a neighboring county.
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