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Communicate
effectively
by listening
By ATHENA K. TAYLOR
Extension Agent
In the course of daily conversations, we are more likely spending more time talking than listening. We want to tell others about ourselves rather than listen to their concerns or ideas. We are often quick to offer advice rather than listen and to try and understand when a problem occurs. Listening is at the core of effective communication and a necessary component in building the caring relationships needed for withstanding life’s pressures and stresses.
Listening skills can be learned. It is like any other skill that needs to be developed. Practice makes perfect. Listening is not only hearing but seeing.
Nonverbal communication. We have listen to a person by paying attention to their face, eyes, tone of voice and body posture, as well as hearing their words. As much as 60 percent of communication is nonverbal.
Listen for feelings and communicate understanding. Listening for feelings is very important for helping someone under stress. Often we have to pick up feelings from nonverbal communication. Then we can paraphrase what we see* • (“You look kind of sad”), and help the person feel understood so they are invited to say more. Our understanding can help others make decisions or '; solve problems. * |
Ask questions. If a person seems to need to talk, “open^ I questions are an invitation tci ; say more. For example, yon might ask “What happened ! today?” if someone seemd ! upset. We often used “closed” ’ * questions such as, ‘When did I you start feeling bad?” The use [ of closed questions will cut off • conversation or even make the. I person feel as if they are being interrogated.
Strong families communicate frequently, openly, clearly, and directly. If family members are to keep in touch with each other and understand each other, significant interaction must occur.
Good communication means trying to understand and to appreciate the many and various ways we can be of help to each other. With someone caring about us, we feel better about ourselves and have greater confidence to tackle problems head on.
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