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You ve got to be able to cry,” added Anne. “When the doctor told me that Amy had died, I began shaking and screaming inside...‘no, no, no’...but I couldn’t let it out. Keeping the pain inside was a way of refusing to acknowledge the truth. The doctor and nurses stayed with me though, and literally shook me, however gently, forcing me to let go.”
The three women are speaking naturally, in response to questions, not soliciting sympathy, but relating their own experiences so that others will know how to help their friends should the need ever arise.
What are some other things that do not help?
“It’s best not to mention how the death is part of God’s plan,” said Linda. “They’re not going to be too pleased with God right then.”
“Don’t expect recovery according to any hypothetical schedule,” added Anne. “The death of a child is not something from which a parent ever really ‘recovers’.
Not long ago I had an experience which brought this home. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with grief, and my inability to cope with Amy’s death. I got in my car and began driving...down Route 17 in the direction of Warrenton. Soon red lights were flashing, and I was pulled over. The officer immediately began questioning me: ‘Have you been drinking?’
“I told him ‘no’ as coherently as possibly, and it was quite evident that he didn’t exactly believe me. Apparently I had been weaving as well as driving at a dangerously low speed.
“His questioning persisted, and I repeated that I had not been drinking, that I was not drunk, but that I was upset.
“He asked what I was upset about, and I told him
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