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that ‘my child died’. He asked ‘how long ago?’ and I told him ‘about a year and a half ago’. ”
“Time does help, but time also makes one acknowledge reality. The death of a child is not something one ever ‘gets over’ or forgets. Not talking about it doesn’t have the healing effect that some believe it should, but remembering does, especially remembering the happy times...and sharing these memories with a friend.”
“People are often wellmeaning but vague,” Linda said. “They’ll say, ‘call if you need anything.’ Well, you need so much and you can’t ask for it. You feel that you’ve already gotten so much attention, so much help.
“But you’re tired and drained,” she went on. “I remember one day’s project— folding one laundry basket of clothes. It was almost more than I could do. But I couldn’t call someone up and say, ‘hey, come on over and fold my laundry.’ But people who would just show up with specific help to offer— that really was a help.”
The women agreed on other things that helped them. “People showed up with all this food,” said Anne. “Some of them I didn’t even know. They were friends of friends, just coming to help. Some came with smiles, and some with tears, and some couldn’t say a word. But they came to let us know they were there to help. And it did help, probably more than they’ll ever know.”
Linda agreed. “Not only is it the love you feel. It’s so hard to make a decision when you’re suffering. What to fix for dinner is a big deal. I’d go to the freezer and pull out something someone put in a few weeks ago and I had this feeling that the love and . concern had frozen right along with the casserole and
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