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The clipping this text was read from
The clipping this text was read from

if the bathroom curtain is open. Failure to wear at least a simple stitch of clothing can result in your being jailed. The food in the clink is not very good, which will certainly cause you to lose weight anyway.

■Blue jeans and a long-sleeve shirt add two pounds to your weight. Never wear work boots for the same reason. And never wear the sweat socks that were under the boots all day. They weigh as much as the boots themselves.

■Never step on the scale right after a shower. That joke about inflating your weight “soaking wet” is accurate.

For those of you not foolish enough to buy a digital scale, permit Cousin Paulie to save you the price of three cases of beer (on sale) with a little direction while on your diet.

■Add one pound for eating a tuna sandwich at lunch. Add two pounds for every helping of potato chips. Subtract one pound for every diet drink.

■Add three pounds for every peanut butter sandwich. For a 16-oz. glass of low fat milk, add one-half pound for 30 minutes, then subtract one pound for every hour after that.

■Subtract three pounds for a salad. Subtract only two, however, if salad dressing is served.

■Never go near the scale after a big dinrer including mashed potatoes and gravy. Same holds true for franks and beans.

■Ditto for a thick crust pizza with everything.

"Rip out the battery, flush it down the toilet and say the heck with it and order that pizza anyway.

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