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said. “A batterer is insecure. He’s extremely emotionally dependent on his partner. Her job, her friends, her social life are threats to him. He needs to make his partner dependent on him. That dependence, that control is achieved through violence and maintained through fear of future violence,” Deane said. It is violence that releases the stress build-up in the batterer, it is violence that gives him power and strength.
Society Contributes
Deane sees social conditioning as a contributor in the development of man, the batterer. Men are taught to deny their feelings verbally and instead express those feelings in physical ways, he explained. “From infancy, men are taught to be tough, not to lose, to be in control. And women are taught to be gentle, loving, to look for someone to take care of them...So there’s a built in dependency betwen the two. A man tells himself ‘She can deal with my feelings — I’ll be the tough guy.’
“Most women have at least one close friend they can talk to, someone they can tell anything and everything. How many men have a friend like that?” Deane asked. Men have difficulty in confiding, he said. They can’t talk of their problems or emotions without worrying how the information will be used as ammunition against them.
“And men are told it’s not manly to ,
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