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“For the children,” he said, “it’s like growing up in a war zone. It’s a very scary place to live.”
Seventy-five percent of those children have significant memory losses of portions of their childhoods. Forty percent leave home without ever realizing one — or both — of their parents are alcoholics. “They know that there is a problem - they just can’t put a name on it. ”
Most children of alcoholics develop severe problems with relationships later in life, Mr. Treanor said. “It begins early, with the denial - the refusal to admit that their parent is an alcoholic.” They learn that “you can’t depend on feelings,” and unhealthy ways of coping with problems: “Don’t talk .. . Don’t trust... Don’t feel.”
It can all be traced back to the family experience. The family is the primary method of learning relationships, “and this ‘school’ is teaching crazy lessons,” the counselor said. “What is crazy for us is normal for them. The rules change from day to day . . . the only consistency is the inconsistency.
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