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Symptoms of disease
At stage one, the co-alcoholics deny the situation - refusing to recognize that a problem exists. Mr. Treanor said that in many cases, the first sign of disease in an alcoholic comes in social situations. The family goes to a party, “and Joe gets drunk.” Typically, the alcoholic manifests one of two reactions to his indiscretion: anger or remorse.
It is at this point that the co-alcoholics usually experience their first psychological problems. “The family members question themselves. What have I done to make him act like that?’ is a typical response,” Mr. Treanor said. “At that point they have bought into the alcoholic’s rationalizations — that he is drinking because of some outside influence.”
As the drinking continues, the co-alcoholics attempt a number of strategies to deal with the problem, while many times still revising to consciously acknowledge that a problem exists. “Anger and resentment builds up.” Matching mood swings; attempting to control the drinking (watering drinks, nagging, withholding sex, coddling, are aU examples of attempts to assert com trol); trying to change the alcoholic’s personality; repression of feelings (“Don’t get him mad, he’ll drink”); guilt (“He drinks because of something I’ve done”); delusions (“It’s not that bad a problem, he’s okay most of the time”) are all symptoms of the co-alcoholic’s attempts to deal with an increasingly difficult situation.
Stage one, with its basis in denial, may last for years, Mr. Treanor added.
Futile attempts to cope
At the point where the denial system begins to crack and break down, the co-alcoholics enter stage
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